Denny's Sold: The Real Story Behind the $620M Deal and Your Grand Slam's Future
Denny's Going Private? More Like Denny's Selling Out.
So, Denny's is going private. Big deal. TriArtisan, Treville, Yadav Enterprises – a bunch of suits I've never heard of – are scooping it up for $620 million. Shareholders get $6.25 a share. Yippee for them. But honestly, who cares?
The "American Dream" or Just Another Cash Grab?
Rohit Manocha from TriArtisan calls Denny's "an iconic piece of the American dream." Oh, give me a break. Last time I checked, the American dream wasn't about soggy hash browns and lukewarm coffee at 3 AM. It was about, you know, actual opportunity. Maybe I'm just being cynical, but...
Let's be real, this is about money. Pure and simple. They say the $6.25 per share is a 52% premium over Monday's closing price. Okay, so what? The stock jumped 50% on the news. That just proves it was undervalued to begin with. It's like finding a twenty in your old coat and calling it a windfall.
And speaking of money, Denny's reached out to over 40 potential buyers. Forty! That's not a sign of a healthy business looking for a strategic partner. That's a fire sale. Desperation. The restaurant equivalent of pawning your grandma's jewelry to pay the rent.
Denny's CEO Kelli Valade says the board believes this deal is in the best interest of shareholders and the "best path forward." Of course, she does. What else is she gonna say? "Yeah, we're screwing over our employees and customers, but hey, at least the big guys are making a profit"? I doubt it.
But what about the employees? What about the late-night cooks, the waitresses hustling for tips, the dishwashers slaving away in the back? Are they getting a cut of this "iconic piece of the American dream"? I'm guessing not.
From Danny's Donuts to... Nowhere?
Denny's started as Danny's Donuts in 1953. A simple dream, probably. Now it's getting swallowed whole by private equity vultures. TriArtisan already owns P.F. Chang's and TGI Friday's. Yadav Enterprises owns a zillion franchises. This ain't about preserving a legacy; it's about consolidating power and squeezing every last drop of profit out of a brand.
And then there's Michael Ovitz, chairman of Treville Capital. Co-founder of CAA, former president of Disney. The guy probably hasn't eaten at a dennys menu in 30 years. What does he care about the "Grand Slam" or the "Moons Over My Hammy"? He's just looking at spreadsheets and seeing dollar signs.
Here's the kicker: Denny's to go private in $620 million deal for the 72-year-old breakfast chain - CBS News announced plans to close 150 of its lowest-performing locations last fall. So, they're selling off the company while simultaneously shuttering restaurants and likely laying off employees. Real classy.
I heard they are going to remodel some dennys near me. I hope they don't mess with the dennys breakfast, that's the only reason I go there.
Denny's has struggled to boost sales because people are using delivery apps and going to places with "healthier" menus. Translation: People are tired of greasy food and sticky booths. They want something that doesn't make them feel like they need a nap after. Maybe Denny's should have focused on improving its menu instead of chasing short-term profits.
So, What's the Point?
This isn't about Denny's. It's about the soul-crushing reality of late-stage capitalism. It's about how everything – even a greasy spoon diner – gets commodified, packaged, and sold off to the highest bidder. It's about how the "American dream" gets twisted and distorted until it's nothing but a hollow marketing slogan.
I bet they won't even offer a veterans day dennys deal for free breakfast next year...